A Tribute to Life

Climbing the hill to the top where the grand Duke sits on his stone horse and looks out over this beautiful city the note caught my eye. A card lying on the ground, its curled corners waving at me in the lush green grass. I lifted it and turned it over to read ‘Lily Rose, you are forever in our thoughts and hearts. Always xxx’ and glanced up to see a bunch of flowers tied to the branch of a tree. I placed the card with the flowers and stepped away feeling sad, it was impossible to tell if the ink was stained by rain or a sea of tears. 

The park is awash with emotions, declarations of love, pride, heartache, affection. Benches with unusual engravings ‘In loving memory of Harry, a nosey git who loved to sit here and watch the world go by’ or on plaques under trees for ‘My One True Love’.

These public declarations are part of the joy of park life. My imagination goes into overdrive as I wonder who these people were. I sit on the benches and create fictitious and heroic stories of their lives. I think about Lily Rose and Harry's relationship with the person who chose the words for the plaque. I wonder in life if they knew how loved they were?

Some people don’t ever say the L word. There are whole generations of families and friends who never say 'I love you.'  Instead they buy presents, they cook favourite dinners, or if they’re Scottish it’s likely that they say goodbye with the words ‘take care’….. then stand in the rain on the doorstep waving until the visitors car disappears into the night.

Maybe for them the words aren't needed? Maybe the point is it’s a knowing thing. A feeling. A mutual understanding. It’s personal, it’s up to you if you keep your emotions deep inside or share them out loud, as long as the people that matter know how important they are to you. Are you confident they know?

It’s not all about love, sometimes the sentiment is closer to like or admire or respect. People who share our lives, who plant ideas in our heads, who encourage us to dare to be, who challenge our thinking, who inspire us or who simply make us laugh. How often do we actually tell them how much we value their time, contribution, words and support? 

Once someone has gone, departed this life, you can buy a bench, a plaque, a tree if it brings you comfort, if it helps you grieve. I understand that completely. But surely it’s worth opening your heart and telling people how much they mean to you when you can still see the smile on their face and hear the joy in their voice? Do it whilst you can still put your arms around them and squeeze tight.

Tribute acts can be good, but they’re a poor substitute for the real deal.

Comments welcome.

(Images from istock.)

Lessons in Love

I've been in my element this last week watching a series of programmes on Channel 4 about people looking for love. A fly on the wall documentary, filmed in a restaurant where singletons meet potential suitors for the first time. Particular favourites were 62 year old glamour puss Lynda, whose party piece was doing the splits. She was widowed and searching for a new partner in crime. Then there was the confident 22 year old Londoner who confused himself with JayZ and tried to impress by rapping through most of dinner. A stark contrast to the guy who’s hands shook as he presented his date with a box of chocolates. Some had no clue how to impress; others were hitting it off and having a rare old time. All were open to opportunity and putting themselves forward to at least give it a go.

If you've been following this blog since the very beginning you’ll know that I once ran a dating agency and that I go weak at the knees for a bit of old fashioned romance. This could be the result of reading Rapunzel and Cinderella stories as a child, or my teenage years spent watching Dirty Dancing and longing for someone to say ‘Nobody puts Baby Annie in the corner’. Whatever the reason I just can’t help myself when it comes to affairs of the heart and it seems I'm not alone.

On the tube home the other day a guy was attempting to chat up a girl, and from her body language the attraction was mutual. The 50 something year old man seated beside me winked and said ‘I hope he gets her number.’ The whole carriage tuned in and we were all fighting the temptation to shout ‘Just Ask Her Out’!!!! Everyone loves a bit of romance.

I'm no relationship expert but I think there are lessons for us all to learn in love regardless of our situation. The singletons, the happily married, those who stay with a partner because they are scared of being alone, the ones who want to fix things but can’t find the words to make that happen, the lonely, the stubborn, the dreamers.

The lessons in love are there for all to see if you look closely enough. The parts of the stories I, we, choose to ignore are the blatantly obvious ‘in your face’ realities. I mean can you imagine how painful it must have been for poor Rapunzel’s head whilst that bloke climbed up her ponytail into the tower? Or how nervous Cinderella must have been prancing around in a pair of slippers that were made from glass? Ouch!

If Rapunzel had a voice she’d tell you straight that love can give you a headache but sometimes it's worth buying extra strength conditioner for your hair. Cinderella would show you the blisters she bears from dressing to impress her beau whilst telling you there’s nothing better than shiny new shoes.

Compromise isn't sexy but if you want love to last it seems to be part of the deal. In order to find love in the first place you've got to be willing to give it a go, so next time you're on the subway take your headphones off, put down that paper and have a good look around. You just never know .....