More and more I find myself
saying the words ‘I’m too old for that’ to which people reply with a list of
reasons why I’m not old. I know I’m
not old. If I get hit by a bus tomorrow and die people will
say, ‘It’s terrible. She was only 37’. So let me explain what I mean and why at
this stage in my life, being too old is something worth celebrating.
Yesterday, in a cold and rainy
Glasgow, whilst queuing in a shop, I found myself looking at a young woman’s
bottom. I prefer big strapping men with hairy chests so this was quite unusual,
but it was hard to miss. As I placed my shopping basket on the floor my eyes were
in line with her tiny shorts, where her peachy cheeks were on display for all
to see. She looked great but I'm so happy that I'm too old to dress like that. My
days of literally freezing my ass off in the name of fashion, and the self-consciousness
that goes with it, are long gone.
I'm so happy that I'm too old to
fancy boys in low slung, waddle walking jeans, with One Direction haircuts. My youth was spent fantasising about Michael Hutchence and Jim Morrison, and let’s not put
the cat amongst the pigeons, with those double denim hunks from Bros.
I'm so happy that I'm too old to go
clubbing. My days of batting my eyelashes at the bouncer to try and jump the
queue, paying a tenner to get in, and fighting for room on the dance floor are
over. Nowadays I do my dancing at gigs, house parties and weddings.
I'm so happy that I'm too old to
not be taken seriously because I'm ‘only young’!
Being too old is brilliant
because it means that I have worn the mini-skirts, had the bad perm and found out the hard way that drinking Sambuca shots was not a clever idea. I've had my heart broken by a
bad boy and know real love isn't like that. Being too old means I don't put up with any nonsense, I've stood up
to the pushy people, and found my voice to say No when I was expected to
say Yes. I've learned who my real friends are and stuck to them like glue. Some of these experiences were exciting adventures, others big
mistakes or huge disappointments but I don't regret any of them. Most were great fun!
So perhaps I need to change my
expression from ‘ I'm too old’ to ‘I don’t want to do that any more'.
Now, if you’ll excuse me I'm going out tonight and need to try on every outfit in my wardrobe, faff around for half an hour and then decide to wear the first thing I tried on. I might be too old for hot pants but some things never change …..
image via SomeECards.com
Now, if you’ll excuse me I'm going out tonight and need to try on every outfit in my wardrobe, faff around for half an hour and then decide to wear the first thing I tried on. I might be too old for hot pants but some things never change …..
image via SomeECards.com
